21 terrible/awesome jokes from Buzzfeed

I wanted to textify the jokes from the Buzzfeed page because the more people that read them, the better.

My sister bet me $100 I couldn’t build a car of out spaghetti.

You should’ve seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.
What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.
I went to a zoo the other day. It was empty, except for a single dog…

It was a Shih Tzu.
What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel.
Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

The retail store.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet?

Because the ‘p’ is silent.
How does a train eat?

It goes chew chew.
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a No. 2 pencil.
What does Forrest Gump use for a password?

1Forrest1
Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Britney Spears.

Britney Spears who?

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Oops I did it again.
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
How is imitation like a plateau?

They’re both the highest form of flattery.
So two snare drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff…

Ba dum tsshhh
A magician was driving down the street…

Then he turned into a driveway.
What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What does Batman get in his drinks?

Just ice.
What sport do you play with a wombat?

Wom.
What does a nosy pepper do?

Gets jalapeño business.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

Bison.
Tried to take a photograph of some fog.

Mist.

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